lucie

@lucie@minute.social

it's me, lucie (aka minute) (they/them). this is my personal, unfiltered stuff, not affiliated with my employer.

if i block you, don't take it personally—you can always follow my work-related masto account.
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[?]lucie »
@lucie@minute.social

The font here is: Karrik by Jean-Baptiste Morizot, Lucas Le Bihan. Distributed by velvetyne.fr.

[?]casey is back (for blood :3) »
@cas@social.treehouse.systems

bringing a bunch of stuff back to Berlin, managed to pack my instant pot (air fryer/pressure cooker), my electric guitar, trumpet, and my damn 3D printer lol

airport security are gomna be scratching their heads

my guitar and trumpet on the sofa. the guitar is a black aria pro iii ea wildcat with a red strap

Alt...my guitar and trumpet on the sofa. the guitar is a black aria pro iii ea wildcat with a red strap

my suitcase with the guitar body, jackets, and instant pot (which is full of stuff)

Alt...my suitcase with the guitar body, jackets, and instant pot (which is full of stuff)

duffel bag with a trumpet case and 3d printer parts on top

Alt...duffel bag with a trumpet case and 3d printer parts on top

my rucksack with the 3d printer mainboard in

Alt...my rucksack with the 3d printer mainboard in

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[?]kadse :nonbinary_flag: »
@kadse@chaos.social

@cas dis is wat a twumpet wooks wike :3

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    [?]casey is back (for blood :3) »
    @cas@social.treehouse.systems

    idk [SENSITIVE CONTENT]

    @kadse toot toot motherfucker(?)

    pov holding the trumpet in my left hand, my arm takes up the left side of the image

    Alt...pov holding the trumpet in my left hand, my arm takes up the left side of the image

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      [?]kadse :nonbinary_flag: »
      @kadse@chaos.social

      idk [SENSITIVE CONTENT]

      @cas nice!! :33 i guess that's what i'm referencing :D youtu.be/Z8qoc_rfWCI?t=302

        [?]pak0st »
        @pak0st@fosstodon.org

        @cas oooh, ! I haven't seen one in ages! Those are fun

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          [?]casey is back (for blood :3) »
          @cas@social.treehouse.systems

          @pak0st yusss just couldn't leave it behind xd, dunno if i'll use it but it's fun to have for sure

            [?]elly »
            @elly@donotsta.re

            @cas electric guitar, huh? :akko_thonk:

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              [?]casey is back (for blood :3) »
              @cas@social.treehouse.systems

              @elly yeah it's vintage :3 i got a great deal on it and i should really play it more

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                [?]elly »
                @elly@donotsta.re

                @cas Same lol, I got mine for ~50eur. If we banded together, I bet we'd name ourselves "rage against uefi" :meowgiggle:

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                  [?]casey is back (for blood :3) »
                  @cas@social.treehouse.systems

                  @elly oh im sooo down

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                    [?]lucie »
                    @lucie@minute.social

                    @cas@treehouse.systems @elly@donotsta.re ahaha i still got this one collecting dust, but i only play powerchords obvs.

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                      [?]elly »
                      @elly@donotsta.re

                      @lucie @cas looks really cool though

                        [?]casey is back (for blood :3) »
                        @cas@social.treehouse.systems

                        @lucie @cas @elly honestly dunno what else you should play on that beast xD it looks glorious

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                          [?]lucie »
                          @lucie@minute.social

                          ein guter zeilendurchschuss

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                          [?]lucie »
                          @lucie@minute.social

                          "wozu dient der raster?"

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                          [?]lucie »
                          @lucie@minute.social

                          thought about more synonyms for "zero" and then remembered the band zilch and hideto "hide" matsumoto

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                          [?]lucie »
                          @lucie@minute.social

                          halp, if you're good at fediverse, why can't i see other people's profile's posts in tusky logged into my snac2 server? but i get new posts from people i follow in my timeline just fine. just can't see any existing ones in theirs

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                          [?]wakest »
                          @wake_st@snac.rohrmoser.name

                          @lucie@minute.social I just did some tests from my SNAC account here and it looks like there are some weird things that are broken right now. getting lots of errors trying to visit profiles from accounts I have already interacted with. I think there must be some regressions in the recent version of SNAC or something cause I don't remember it being this wonky last time I was testing it out.

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                            [?]wakest »
                            @wake_st@snac.rohrmoser.name

                            @lucie@minute.social I am using the https://phanpy.social web app now and I am able to load posts by searching by the URL which is how I responded here

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                              [?]lucie »
                              @lucie@minute.social

                              @wake_st@snac.rohrmoser.name ah, thanks for checking!

                                [?]rätselhafter rauchfang »
                                @buckket@fedi.buckket.org

                                @lucie They don't get synced retroactively. Your instance only knows about posts form users you're following since the moment you've started following them.

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                                [?]lucie »
                                @lucie@minute.social

                                @buckket@fedi.buckket.org yeah, i know, but there are none, zero, null posts in anyone's profiles. maybe a snac bug

                                  [?]Kate »
                                  @k8ie@toot.mcld.eu

                                  @lucie My understanding is that you get a person's post history from the point your server first learns about them.

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                                    [?]lucie »
                                    @lucie@minute.social

                                    @k8ie@toot.mcld.eu yes, but there are absolutely no posts in profiles visible here. possibly snac bug

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                                      [?]lucie »
                                      @lucie@minute.social

                                      are you queer and a bit older (like me) and maybe came out later in life? do you wanna share how your social life and work/life balance look like?

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                                      [?]lucie »
                                      @lucie@minute.social

                                      yes, i'm on the spectrum (the sinclair zx spectrum)

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                                      [?]lucie »
                                      @lucie@minute.social

                                      wenn ich wieder den ganzen tag was umlöten musste

                                      sidney bristow flamethrowing some lab

                                      Alt...sidney bristow flamethrowing some lab

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                                      [?]lucie »
                                      @lucie@minute.social

                                      bei thunderbolts (mcu 2025) geht es um 1 team von avantgardistischen therapeut*innen die die depression einfach verprügeln

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                                      [?]lucie »
                                      @lucie@minute.social

                                      advanced persistent lucie

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                                      [?]lucie »
                                      @lucie@minute.social

                                      quick trip to city west

                                      ube matcha (iced, oat milk) at lap coffee

                                      Alt...ube matcha (iced, oat milk) at lap coffee

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                                      [?]lucie »
                                      @lucie@minute.social

                                      normales hotel

                                      Z̈oé ⛵ boosted

                                      [?]tomate 🍅 »
                                      @jascha@ohai.social

                                      One of the many treats of I hate the most: ADHDers have no internal motivation and rely completely on external motivation: urgency, novelty, pressure, competition and the need to belong. Except novelty they require negative emotions: anxiety and fear for urgency and pressure, competition and need to belong require shame. Hyperfocus is not for oneself but caused by seek for novelty.

                                      To have ADHD is to battle negativ emotions all the time by doing stuff for _others_ and not for oneself. >>

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                                        [?]lucie »
                                        @lucie@minute.social

                                        @jascha@ohai.social this made me think, so thanks. i have ADHD and while i'm also this driven, self-pressuring person, my gut reaction was that i don't feel (or don't want to feel) that my personality is mostly built on negative foundations. i feel that capitalism is mostly responsible for my pressures and pains, and i could relax more if either: 1. i had gamed capitalism to the max (FIRE etc), but it feels ethically wrong 2. cost of life in safe and interesting places was not so damn high. otoh i always had big issues relaxing on vacations, which was only recently fixed through medication.

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                                          [?]lucie »
                                          @lucie@minute.social

                                          @lucie@minute.social @jascha@ohai.social the new way i see it at the moment is that i had trained myself over all those years that i can only be visible and meaningfully interact with others through the work i do, which i now realize is a problem, and my new goal is to find visibility and connection outside of having to work for it

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                                            [?]tomate 🍅 »
                                            @jascha@ohai.social

                                            @lucie You have not trained yourself but did what gave yourself the best reactions in your brain. This is a coping mechanism.

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                                              [?]lucie »
                                              @lucie@minute.social

                                              @jascha@ohai.social that's what i mean, pavlovian conditioning

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                                                [?]tomate 🍅 »
                                                @jascha@ohai.social

                                                @lucie Ah, I got you wrong, my bad. Now I get it.

                                                  [?]freiheitsgrad »
                                                  @freiheitsgrad@mastodontech.de

                                                  @jascha Danke für den Perspektivwechsel!

                                                    [?]tomate 🍅 »
                                                    @jascha@ohai.social

                                                    >> This is why many ADHDers have a comorbidity like depression, anxiety disorder, codependency or an addiction.

                                                    This is why many ADHDers are people pleasers.

                                                    Cleaning up because someone is coming to visit? Of course, let‘s do the deep clean in 3 hours!

                                                    For myself? There is no motivation. Of course I enjoy a cleaned up and somehow tidy living room. But this is not a motivator. >>

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                                                    [?]tomate 🍅 »
                                                    @jascha@ohai.social

                                                    >> The traits coming with are not a super power but steady injection of fear, shame and anxiety.

                                                    I would trade all the stuff I know because of hyperfocus for not having the negative emotions all the time. I would trade them for being able to do things for myself and not because of external motivators. I would trad eurem for just having this thoughts stop.

                                                    Edit: I wrote a lenghty post aout this and other ADHD symptoms jascha.wtf/living-with-adhd-be

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                                                      [?]commandlinehool »
                                                      @shorterirl@systemli.social

                                                      @jascha damn I knew the connection with external pressure but not the link to negative emotions. Well that explains a lot :/

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                                                        [?]tomate 🍅 »
                                                        @jascha@ohai.social

                                                        @shorterirl For example the fear to get blamed is a harder motivator than the joy of getting praise. An ADHD person needs a higher level of serotonin/dopamin to feel happy than a neurotypical person. But we gain the same ammount of these transmitters as nt folks when we get praise. It is not enough.

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                                                          [?]ERRORSMITH »
                                                          @fr2@chaos.social

                                                          @jascha @shorterirl Wait, what? Praise is that relevant a motivator?

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                                                            [?]tomate 🍅 »
                                                            @jascha@ohai.social

                                                            @fr2 @shorterirl for neurotypical folks? yes.

                                                              [?]Ludovic Archivist Lagouardette »
                                                              @Archivist@social.linux.pizza

                                                              @jascha @shorterirl at this point praise may not even exist. All I can think to do with any form of praise is dismiss it

                                                                [?]nellie-m »
                                                                @nellie_m@autisticpri.de

                                                                @jascha

                                                                Thank you for this thread.

                                                                I’m autistic, but don’t have ADHD. However, the few people in my life that are really important and precious to me all have. I love how fast their minds work, how creative their ideas are, and how enthusiastic they can be at times. All things I can relate to and enjoy a lot.

                                                                But the phenomenon you describe has always been puzzling me. So this thread has been most helpful in understanding some of the difficulties! Thank you. Following 🙂

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                                                                  [?]tomate 🍅 »
                                                                  @jascha@ohai.social

                                                                  @nellie_m follow at you own risk - I mostly post about other stuff :D

                                                                  But feel free to ask me questions about ADHD, happy to help

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                                                                    [?]nellie-m »
                                                                    @nellie_m@autisticpri.de

                                                                    @jascha

                                                                    Thanks, yes, I’m still pondering this. So you think it’s physiological? The diminished response to reinforcement and being “motivated” by fear of rejection etc. ? Because amounts of neurotransmitters being equal, it would suggest that either receptors are fewer or not all functioning properly. What do ADHD meds do to address this?

                                                                    Or could that also be an ADHD flavoured response to cPTSD (that is so common among neurodivergent people, especially late identified ones)? In which case meds could help manage it while working on the PTSD.

                                                                    Do you have any data on this, studies, articles? I’m very interested in this!

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                                                                      [?]tomate 🍅 »
                                                                      @jascha@ohai.social

                                                                      @nellie_m there is a problem with the receptors. This causes a very bad working frontal lobe. This causes e.g. valuing criticism of your behavior wrong and it feels like the person wished you never existied. Experience those things all the time leads to trauma… and you can or heal the trauma without treating ADHD

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                                                                        [?]nellie-m »
                                                                        @nellie_m@autisticpri.de

                                                                        @jascha

                                                                        oh wow. That sounds really difficult 💛 Could you please point me to some resources where I can read up on this? I so want to understand my friends better because some situations feel like such a mystery to me 😢 and I love them so much !

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                                                                          [?]Mx Amber Alex (she/it) »
                                                                          @amberage@eldritch.cafe

                                                                          @jascha "treats"? as in, reward? Do you perhaps mean "traits"?

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                                                                            [?]rtn »
                                                                            @rtn@chaos.social

                                                                            @jascha This is me!

                                                                              [?]GroßStadtPflanze :verified: »
                                                                              @exil_inselette@norden.social

                                                                              @jascha Da bin ich bei dir. Aber da hab ich keine Angst. Sondern weiß, dass ich mich selbst sehr freue und nutze den Besuch als zusätzliche Motivation zu meiner eigenen Freude (die, wie du richtig schreibst, oft nicht ganz ausreicht).

                                                                                [?]Sarah »
                                                                                @Exilsarahl@chaos.social

                                                                                @jascha fuck. That's a point of view I haven't had before. It makes total sense.
                                                                                Thanks. Another piece of my life's puzzle.

                                                                                  [?]das_menschy »
                                                                                  @das_menschy@toot.bike

                                                                                  @jascha Hm, that's not true for me.

                                                                                  Maybe I don't have ADHD, although I am diagnosed with it.

                                                                                  I have intrinsive motivation to go cycling. I love cycling and repairing bicycles. Nobody has to say that I should go cycling.

                                                                                    ...

                                                                                    [?]tomate 🍅 »
                                                                                    @jascha@ohai.social

                                                                                    @das_menschy there is not enough space in a post to break down what you just said - it does not contradict what I stated.

                                                                                      [?]GroßStadtPflanze :verified: »
                                                                                      @exil_inselette@norden.social

                                                                                      @jascha Hm, ich mag nicht, dass du das als allgemeingültige Tatsache formulierst. MmADHS sind unterschiedlich. ADHS hat ein Spektrum von Aspekten, die unterschiedl. ausgeprägt sind. Lebenserfahrung führt bei mir dazu, dass ich Sachen erledige, weil ich weiß, dass ich mich gut fühle, wenn ich sie getan habe. Mir hilft es, das laut auszusprechen: So, jetzt habe ich xy gemacht, es war nicht schlimm und ich ich fühle mich jetzt gut (offenbar führt das Hören zu schnellerer Veränderung im Hirn).

                                                                                        ...

                                                                                        [?]tomate 🍅 »
                                                                                        @jascha@ohai.social

                                                                                        @exil_inselette was ich lese: „Ich mag nicht dass du meine Realität nicht abbildest weil ich noch nie von Normalverteilung gehört habe und ich für mich Mechanismen haben, die funktionieren und das muss ich jetzt kritisieren denn wo kommen wir denn hin wenn die Ränder der Normalverteilung keine Beachtung finden.“

                                                                                          ...

                                                                                          [?]tomate 🍅 »
                                                                                          @jascha@ohai.social

                                                                                          @exil_inselette und: das ist keine interne Motivation, sondern externe, indem du es dir aussprichst und durch Hören verarbeitest. Ja, Hören ist für solche Sachen viel besser als „denken“.

                                                                                            [?]GroßStadtPflanze :verified: »
                                                                                            @exil_inselette@norden.social

                                                                                            @jascha Dann hab ich das wohl so geschrieben. Auch, wenn ich das nicht gemeint habe.

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                                                                                              [?]lucie »
                                                                                              @lucie@minute.social

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                                                                                              [?]lucie »
                                                                                              @lucie@minute.social

                                                                                              finally added filtering of the sample names in the sample picker in Lost (based on some cool dear imgui example code by ocornut)

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                                                                                              [?]lucie »
                                                                                              @lucie@minute.social

                                                                                              happy that eglot now works in a useful way for my C/C++ needs (needed to set up the right keybindings, they're called xref-find-definitions to jump to a definition and pop-global-mark to go back)

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                                                                                              [?]lucie »
                                                                                              @lucie@minute.social

                                                                                              I wonder what happens when I attach an MP3 here... will it just fall apart? Edit: nope, it works, awesome!

                                                                                              Alt...Working on some tracks sampling Dark Seed (videogame) music

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                                                                                              [?]holo//memory »
                                                                                              @holo_memory@mastodon.gamedev.place

                                                                                              @lucie it does! ✨🖤

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                                                                                                [?]lucie »
                                                                                                @lucie@minute.social

                                                                                                awww nice 🖤

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                                                                                                  [?]lucie »
                                                                                                  @lucie@minute.social

                                                                                                  The font here is: Karrik by Jean-Baptiste Morizot, Lucas Le Bihan. Distributed by velvetyne.fr.

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                                                                                                  [?]lucie »
                                                                                                  @lucie@minute.social

                                                                                                  aha, i can post with tusky at least

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                                                                                                  Ben Zanin boosted

                                                                                                  [?]lucie »
                                                                                                  @lucie@minute.social

                                                                                                  is this thing on?

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                                                                                                  [?]lucie »
                                                                                                  @lucie@minute.social

                                                                                                  mastodon android app crashes when trying to reply here :0

                                                                                                    History