lucie

@lucie@minute.social

it's me, lucie (aka minute) (they/them). this is my personal, unfiltered stuff, not affiliated with my employer.

if i block you, don't take it personally—you can always follow my work-related masto account.
📌 0 ★ 0 ↺

[?]lucie »
@lucie@minute.social

The font here is: Karrik by Jean-Baptiste Morizot, Lucas Le Bihan. Distributed by velvetyne.fr.

Z̈oé ⛵ boosted

[?]tomate 🍅 »
@jascha@ohai.social

One of the many treats of I hate the most: ADHDers have no internal motivation and rely completely on external motivation: urgency, novelty, pressure, competition and the need to belong. Except novelty they require negative emotions: anxiety and fear for urgency and pressure, competition and need to belong require shame. Hyperfocus is not for oneself but caused by seek for novelty.

To have ADHD is to battle negativ emotions all the time by doing stuff for _others_ and not for oneself. >>

    ...
    2 ★ 0 ↺

    [?]lucie »
    @lucie@minute.social

    @jascha@ohai.social this made me think, so thanks. i have ADHD and while i'm also this driven, self-pressuring person, my gut reaction was that i don't feel (or don't want to feel) that my personality is mostly built on negative foundations. i feel that capitalism is mostly responsible for my pressures and pains, and i could relax more if either: 1. i had gamed capitalism to the max (FIRE etc), but it feels ethically wrong 2. cost of life in safe and interesting places was not so damn high. otoh i always had big issues relaxing on vacations, which was only recently fixed through medication.

      ...
      2 ★ 0 ↺

      [?]lucie »
      @lucie@minute.social

      @lucie@minute.social @jascha@ohai.social the new way i see it at the moment is that i had trained myself over all those years that i can only be visible and meaningfully interact with others through the work i do, which i now realize is a problem, and my new goal is to find visibility and connection outside of having to work for it

        ...

        [?]tomate 🍅 »
        @jascha@ohai.social

        @lucie You have not trained yourself but did what gave yourself the best reactions in your brain. This is a coping mechanism.

          ...
          1 ★ 0 ↺

          [?]lucie »
          @lucie@minute.social

          @jascha@ohai.social that's what i mean, pavlovian conditioning

            ...

            [?]tomate 🍅 »
            @jascha@ohai.social

            @lucie Ah, I got you wrong, my bad. Now I get it.

              [?]freiheitsgrad »
              @freiheitsgrad@mastodontech.de

              @jascha Danke für den Perspektivwechsel!

                [?]tomate 🍅 »
                @jascha@ohai.social

                >> This is why many ADHDers have a comorbidity like depression, anxiety disorder, codependency or an addiction.

                This is why many ADHDers are people pleasers.

                Cleaning up because someone is coming to visit? Of course, let‘s do the deep clean in 3 hours!

                For myself? There is no motivation. Of course I enjoy a cleaned up and somehow tidy living room. But this is not a motivator. >>

                ...

                [?]tomate 🍅 »
                @jascha@ohai.social

                >> The treats coming with are not a super power but steady injection of fear, shame and anxiety.

                I would trade all the stuff I know because of hyperfocus for not having the negative emotions all the time. I would trade them for being able to do things for myself and not because of external motivators. I would trad eurem for just having this thoughts stop.

                  ...

                  [?]commandlinehool »
                  @shorterirl@systemli.social

                  @jascha damn I knew the connection with external pressure but not the link to negative emotions. Well that explains a lot :/

                    ...

                    [?]tomate 🍅 »
                    @jascha@ohai.social

                    @shorterirl For example the fear to get blamed is a harder motivator than the joy of getting praise. An ADHD person needs a higher level of serotonin/dopamin to feel happy than a neurotypical person. But we gain the same ammount of these transmitters as nt folks when we get praise. It is not enough.

                      ...

                      [?]ERRORSMITH »
                      @fr2@chaos.social

                      @jascha @shorterirl Wait, what? Praise is that relevant a motivator?

                        ...

                        [?]tomate 🍅 »
                        @jascha@ohai.social

                        @fr2 @shorterirl for neurotypical folks? yes.

                          [?]Ludovic Archivist Lagouardette »
                          @Archivist@social.linux.pizza

                          @jascha @shorterirl at this point praise may not even exist. All I can think to do with any form of praise is dismiss it

                            [?]rtn »
                            @rtn@chaos.social

                            @jascha This is me!

                              1 ★ 0 ↺

                              [?]lucie »
                              @lucie@minute.social

                              2 ★ 0 ↺

                              [?]lucie »
                              @lucie@minute.social

                              finally added filtering of the sample names in the sample picker in Lost (based on some cool dear imgui example code by ocornut)

                              1 ★ 0 ↺

                              [?]lucie »
                              @lucie@minute.social

                              happy that eglot now works in a useful way for my C/C++ needs (needed to set up the right keybindings, they're called xref-find-definitions to jump to a definition and pop-global-mark to go back)

                              2 ★ 0 ↺

                              [?]lucie »
                              @lucie@minute.social

                              I wonder what happens when I attach an MP3 here... will it just fall apart? Edit: nope, it works, awesome!

                              Alt...Working on some tracks sampling Dark Seed (videogame) music

                              ...

                              [?]robot//memory »
                              @holo_memory@mastodon.gamedev.place

                              @lucie it does! ✨🖤

                                ...
                                1 ★ 0 ↺

                                [?]lucie »
                                @lucie@minute.social

                                awww nice 🖤

                                  📌 0 ★ 0 ↺

                                  [?]lucie »
                                  @lucie@minute.social

                                  The font here is: Karrik by Jean-Baptiste Morizot, Lucas Le Bihan. Distributed by velvetyne.fr.

                                  1 ★ 0 ↺

                                  [?]lucie »
                                  @lucie@minute.social

                                  aha, i can post with tusky at least

                                  8 ★ 1 ↺
                                  Ben Zanin boosted

                                  [?]lucie »
                                  @lucie@minute.social

                                  is this thing on?

                                  ...
                                  0 ★ 0 ↺

                                  [?]lucie »
                                  @lucie@minute.social

                                  mastodon android app crashes when trying to reply here :0

                                    History

                                    about this site - powered by snac